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   1.  Mother & I buy food based on planned consumption.  We serve 3 meals a day to 6-8
       people on average.  We no longer do special orders at each meal.  If you want to eat
       at different hours or eat different food – buy it yourself. 

  1. The blue chair is mine – ALWAYS – and I don’t have to ask for it from strangers.


  1. Chores and tasks are to be done when first requested, politely and properly, unless we both agree to another schedule.


  1. Mom & I will endeavor to balance the workload.  No one else has any role in this.  Keep your opinions to yourself.


  1. If you want guests in the house, tidy your room first – to an acceptable level.


  1. Floors are for rugs, feet, furniture and sometimes people – but never clothes.


  1. Dirty dishes go in the dishwasher – if it’s full of clean ones, empty it.  Mom will give a mandatory 7 day, 8 hours per day course of stacking, what goes in and what gets done by hand if you don’t do it properly.


  1. The cars are mine.  We get first dibs.  If you ask nicely, accommodate sibling conflicts, pay for gas, we may let you use them.  Taking them to go 10 blocks & park gets lowest priority.


  1. If you go out, leave a phone number on your part of the page.  If you move around, phone with the new number.  If you are not reachable when I die, you are cut out of the will.


  1. Drinking is allowed in moderation.  Smoking is prohibited.  Butts found on the property will be ground up and secretly placed in your next meal.  If you personally must smoke – don’t do it in my presence – wherever I may see you.


  1. I buy the newspaper.  If you want to borrow it, please work around my schedule.  Taking the crossword puzzle to any part of the house is strictly forbidden.  Leave it right where it is.


  1. If your guests do anything in, around, under, over, etc. the house, vehicles, or to other property – you are responsible and will be held accountable.  In addition, the oldest person who is or should be in the house is also responsible.


  1. The stereo system is mine.  Turning it up loud will, without fail, blow one or both sets of speakers.  One set costs about $250.00.  The other set costs about $1,000.00.  Rule 12 applies if there is any damage.


  1. If your marks are good enough, your definition of homework applies.  If they aren’t, my definition applies.  Good enough is defined by your teachers not you and not me.  There is no appeal from this.


  1. Telephone messages are to be written down and left on the kitchen table.  Calls for others are to be announced by placing your head inside the nearest vent and screaming – or by any other method mutually agreed to by all children.


  1. If you door is closed and your stereo is on, don’t expect to receive messages based on point 15.


  1. Your friends are welcome at any meal, including family meals unless we say otherwise.


  1. Because of rule 17, all friends are also subject to rule 3 – but this rule will not be unreasonably abused.


  1. Anorexics believe they can have a happy, healthy life without food.  Doctors know that this is a fatal view of life.  At this stage in life, church is the only food for your soul.  You can diet, but you can’t stop eating.  I will decide when you are hungry.


  1. We cook in the kitchen or on the back porch.  And we eat in the kitchen, the porch or the dining room – but not the bedrooms, TV rooms or elsewhere.  If you do take food elsewhere, remember #7


  1. There are two aspects to learn about the security system.  First, a false alarm will result in no police protection.  So the system is as good as a condom with a hole in it.  Second, if you don’t turn it on, I guarantee you will never catch a thief.  In Toronto, you must always think about this protection … or realize that insurance won’t pay for what is taken.


Oct 13, 1946 to Mar 26, 2008


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